Why can't I have the big O with my partner?

Q: Why can´t I have the big O?

A: Being responsible for them does not mean that only you give them to yourself, but that´s where you must begin. Find out the real reasons why you are not getting there.

1. You have no idea about your body and what works for you. Some women do not even know what feels right for them. You are your first partner, and if you don´t know, what you enjoy, how can you guide your partner? Figure out precisely what you like, and then share that with your beloved.

2. You are not getting enough foreplay (let´s say 30 - 40 minutes at the minimum). Many women fake because many men fake foreplay. If your man isn´t giving you hardly any foreplay, you are never actually getting turned on. It is impossible to reach the big O when you are not even turned on. 

And don´t even get me started on the everyday use of artificial lubrication of the bottle to ease penetration without foreplay! So tell him to slow down and to get in tune with your pleasure so that you can get aroused and finally climax, too.

3. You ONLY have penetrative stimulation. Unfortunately, most of the time men think, they are amazing lovers in bed, but they actually have no idea what they are doing. 

Only sometimes, some women reach the peak from back and forth stimulus alone, so it´s no wonder if you are not satisfied with the jackhammer method. Try adding in clit stimulation via your own hand and take responsibility for your climax.

4. You are too stressed out, not connected to yourself, nor your partner to enjoy. Maybe worrying about unintended pregnancy or STDs. Whether he is faithful etc. This all makes it really hard to let go and enjoy. So please pay attention to contraception and protection.  

5. Time pressure! You may fear that your children can wake up anytime, and you are putting pressure on yourself. This is the best way to create a vicious cycle. 

Let go of the goals. Stop trying and just enjoy the sensations instead, and you will reach the peak when you least expect it. According to surveys, it takes on average about 10-20 minutes of stimulation for a woman to orgasm with a partner.

6. You may just need a bit more lubrication, foreplay, oral pleasure, but be careful with the artificial lubricants, as they are not to be used to substitute foreplay and natural lubrication.

7. You are intoxicated. A sip can help you to relax, lower your inhibitions, and make you less self-conscious. Another way to do that is to communicate honestly and openly. Alcohol is also dehydrating, so you might find it harder to lubricate.

8. You are on a medication that is making letting go nearly impossible. Drugs like SSRIs (used to treat depression, anxiety, etc.) can often lessen sensitivity. 

Talk to your doctor and see if another alternative, such as one recommended, is known for the specific effect to increase desire and does not usually have any significant side effects, such as anorgasmia or weight gain.

9. There is an actual anatomical or physical problem. Medical conditions that affect your ability to let go are extremely RARE.