"The First Time" - Understanding "Female Virginity" in the 21st Century

Virginity is a conceptual, social construction. Old cultural traditions place particular value on this state, predominantly towards unmarried women, associated with ideas of personal purity, honor, status, and worth. 

When we have sexual activity for the first time - the definition of virginity varies from woman to woman - we do not lose anything. It does not affect our worth.

A hymen, a fold of a thin membranous tissue at the vag opening, varies from woman to woman. Hymens come in many different shapes, types, elasticities, and thicknesses. Hymens also change throughout a woman's life.

In some women, the hymen looks like a ring. In others, it is crescent-shaped. Some women have several holes, notches, or clefts in their hymens. Some have been born without that fold.

What is the purpose of the hymen? We are not sure of the exact biological role of the hymen. One of the most common theories is that the hymen acts like a veil to prevent infectious agents from entering a developing body.

In a TED talk called the virginity fraud, Norwegian medical doctors Nina Dølvik Brochmann and Ellen Støkken Dahl describe how the hymen is more like a stretchy collar or a scrunchie than a barrier. It is elastic, for a lot of women, flexible enough for painless vag intercourse.

It is common NOT to bleed the first time woman has sex. An easily stretching hymen or changes in hymenal tissue are NOT necessarily signs of past sexual activity or penetration. 

The assumption that all virginal women will bleed is little more than folklore, nor does bleeding say anything about virginity.

However, there should never be discomfort or pain in any sexual activity ever. It is essential, especially for the first time, because painful experiences cause trauma and sexual dysfunctions on both parties involved.

The reasons for pain, tearing, and bleeding are usually rough and forced penetration and insertion and dryness because of not being sexually turned on, aroused, and naturally lubricated and expanded internally.  

There is never a need to use physical force. Not even artificial lubrication, because lubrication from the bottle often masks the fact that the woman is not sexually aroused and therefore not ready for penetrative sexual activity, nor she would enjoy it.

Instead of being a subject of sex, the woman needs to be in charge and lead the situation by herself. 

Then, when she controls the position, listens to her body's subtle messages, and takes care of the insertion by herself, there would not be discomfort or pain. 

Even though of passion and situational pressures, mindful lovers go slowly, tenderly, and gently, and at first build up high arousal, authentic desire, and enthusiasm. 

People describe their "First Time Sex" by the Cut Media. This video is pretty thought-provoking, hilarious too, definitely worth watching. 

But, as you find out, the definition of virginity varies from person to person.

"Like forty-four seconds" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOuL5Xu8c_M

Regardless of the sensual activities, you are preparing yourself for, the most important thing is to get familiar with your anatomy and pleasures. Making friends with your body and self-pleasure helps you feel familiar with your body and figure out what feels good to communicate that to your partner better.

Getting married? Find out more at https://docnoor.com to schedule a consultation with sexologist Christina Lindea alone or with your partner to discover how to better make your first sexual experience pleasurable and fun.